A likkle piece of this and likkle piece of that

NOLLYWOOD COMEDY // AKI THE ‘AF’ ASSASSIN AKA DWIGHT YORKE

Life after the beautiful game sees some ex-pros do their Uefa Pro Licence course to become a coach. Others make a mint doing the rounds on the after-dinner speech circuit. However, the lucrative lure of the film industry is too hard a wonga opportunity to miss.

Vinnie’s done it in Hollywood, whilst Cantona dabbles in arty flicks now and again but for Dwight Yorke (Aki), once Nollywood came a calling he was there quicker than Usain Bolt spotting a box of 20 nuggets at the finish line.

Now, the title of the clip reads Aki Threatens Lecturer With A Gun and most people may not find that humorous in the slightest (Lighten up Ebegeezers- Xmas Day is a week tomorrow) but there are few things I’ve noticed which are subtly symptomatic of such films involving Trinidad’s finest export behind Carnival and Brian Lara.

1) The lecturer asks ‘You guys again? What are you doing  in my own clas?’  That can be attributed to shite security or the hardened criminals wanting a free education..calm down luv.

2) At 0:29, Dwight might as well have run round the bloody gaff on the back of a pantomime horse with the gun in the air singing ‘Kumbaya‘. The fella barely reaches her hips and he’s managed to conceal a pistol in his pants (not the loaded kind..I’ve dropped myself in it..oops) to startle her. The Producer has had a mare.

3) “Anymore of that noise and you will enter the Guinness Book of Records, as the woman with the most uglllllly tattoo” That is just a archetype of African cinematography in a nutshell – random as a f*** ha

4) The extended ethereal chords broken up by an impromptu clatter of keys is a famous facet for a soundtrack. It seamlessly syncs with facial expressions such the Munch, the Screwface and my personal fave the Open Sesame.

5) Lastly, adding further fuel to the African age ambiguity debate, the majority of this  lecture room has people looking closer to half a century rather than a quarter. On the other hand, when you take that into consideration, and the manner in which those burly blokes stormed in, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the Open University.

Lighten up Yorkey…Ciao.

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